Participate in Fashion Democracy!

The nice folks from Langston's Western Wear contacted me recently (along with bloggers Melissa and Kaleigh) about wearing, and then writing about a pair of jeans. Well, geez, twist my arm Nice Folks at Langston's! Of course I will!

At least, that was my answer initially - mainly because anyone who's lived in Oklahoma City longer than 5 minutes knows that Langston's is where you go when you want Real Jeans (men's or women's) and Real Cowboy Boots. I mean, one of their stores is located in historic cowtown - which means that, to buy your jeans, you must literally smell manure and hear mooing. That is SERIOUS jeans buying stuff, people!

But after I hung up the phone, I started to worry because I have managed to pack on some serious tonnage this winter, and the jeans they wanted me to try - women's Lucky Brand Jeans - run in waist sizes, which meant that I had to measure (and thereby make my brain aware of) the circumference of my very doughy mid-section. *sob*

Because of my girth, the nice folks at Langston's sent over three different pairs of jeans for me to try. When the package arrived in the mail, I held my breath, said a little prayer, then sucked in my gut real, real hard.

And that's when a miracle happened.

All three pairs fit like a dream. They didn't squeeze. They didn't suffocate. They CARESSED. Those jeans and I, we had a moment together, right there in my bedroom. We bonded. We ran through fields of wildflowers whispering sweet nothings to each other, me and those jeans. Those sweet, sweet, perfectly fitting jeans.

And then it hit me: I would have to choose one pair. I would have to say goodbye to those other two pair of jeans. But how could I? After the times we'd had, there in my bedroom in front of the mirror. Oh the humanity!

I couldn't do it.

So? I'm making you choose. Yes! We're going to vote! It's like fashion democracy! This is, I'm afraid, not at all what the Nice Folks at Langston's had in mind when they shipped those jeans. I've gone rouge! I'm a blogger off the rails, people!

It's like 'Sophie's Choice'. Only with jeans instead of humans. Wait.  That's awful.  Nevermind.

Which will it be? Option a, b, or c? Pin your favorite pair on Pinterest and I will choose the one with the most votes. Then I will say a sad goodbye to the other two, knowing that some other lucky soul will soon be benefiting from their light-as-a feather denim and flattering cut.

Ok. Let's get started.

Here's option a. Do you see the adorable details? The gobbledygook on the pockets? The stitching at the hem? (Although, I dont' mind telling you, asking my husband to take a photo of my hiney was sort of humiliating... ANYTHING FOR FASHION, HONEY!)

To vote for option a, click here and then click the "pin it" button.

And then there's option b. This denim. I cannot stress it enough - it is as thin as paper which makes it so light and comfortable. And soft as a newborn baby bunny.

To vote for option b, click here, then click the "pin it" button.

And finally, there's option c. Adorable. Cute details like red stitching at the hem. And? AND? These also roll completely down to become ankle-skimming jeans - perfect with flats. They're like two jeans in one! They're like buy one get one!

To vote for option c, click here, then click the "pin it" button.

So, dear readers, what'll it be? Or, did someone want to mail me a check so that I can have all three? Anyone? No? Alright fine. Then go vote.


What's that you say? You want some too? I know! Langston's says my readers can have a discount now through May 13th. Just visit the Langston's website use coupon code "shortloffs" at checkout to get 20% off! (online purchases only) Dude! Did you hear me? I said SOFT AS A NEWBORN BABY BUNNY. Gitcha some.

Stepping on a Land Mine

Ok, I am so worried that I'll regret this, but I want to talk about gay marriage.

Yep. I said "gay marriage" on this here mommy blog. Are you clutching your pearls?

It's all over the news today that President Obama has come out in favor of gay marriage. Hoo boy it's created quite a stir. The news is covering it nonstop, and my Twitter and Facebook stream have been overrun with strong opinions.

Here's why I'm bringing it up: I flat don't get it. No really, I do not understand the debate. I know that Bible-believing Christians point to many texts saying that homosexuality is wrong. But isn't that a separate debate? Don't people sin all the time? Is sinning illegal? Why should I care if someone ELSE is sinning?

Would you share your opinion with me? Would you do it kindly and honestly? Would you operate under the assumption that I REALLY AM curious and seeking understanding?

Ok go.

(And please know that if you say ugly things I will delete your comment. This is a nice blog full of nice people. So be nice!)

It's the Best Medicine.

Today we couldn't stand to be cooped up in the house after dinner. The weather here has been gorgeous. So, we grabbed up some bread and headed out to feed the baby goslings at our neighborhood pond. As we stood there lavishing the the fowl with bread crumbs, a woman walked by and struck up a conversation. After we visited for a few minutes, we eventually figured out that she is our backyard neighbor.

She then said that she'd been through a divorce recently, and when she's feeling low, she opens her back door so that she can hear the laughter of my children while they play in the backyard. She said it never fails to cheer her.

It's funny, because I always open a window when the kids are outside. I used to do it so I'd hear if someone needed me, but now I do it for my soul. There really is something about hearing children laugh.

Rough Moment

So! Today I did something I've never done before: I RAN OUT OF TOILET PAPER.

Oh not just in ONE bathroom. Oh no there was not so much as a square IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE.

And of course I had to pee. In fact, the moment I realized we were out of TP my bladder seized up like I'd just consumed an entire keg of beer.

And folks, I'm here to tell you, Bounty Select-a-Size paper towels are NOT, um, *cottony soft*.

So if you see me tomorrow, I might be walking with a slight limp.

Dirty Little Secret

So, I'm certain this would NEVER happen to you, but juuuust in case, let's discuss what you should do if someone (like your mother-in-law) calls and says "I'm in the neighborhood - can I stop by?". And of course, you say "yes!", and then you look around your house and realize that it looks like a frat house on bid day. There are drink glasses and coffee cups strewn about on every surface. The dust is 3 feet thick, and OMG, there are PANTIES in the middle of the living room floor from when the children dressed for bed last night.

Ok, don't panic. First of all, your mother in law is contractually required to love you, even with panties on your floor. Secondly, I have a plan. We will get through this.

Here's what you do: first, send the children to their rooms to clean up. Oh I know they're going to get distracted and quit cleaning... that's not the point. The goal here is to get them out of your hair. See? Bingo.

Now that the kids are gone, run, don't walk into your closet and grab up your laundry basket. What that you say? It's full of dirty clothes? Dump them on the floor of the closet. Do it! This is an emergency!

Now take that empty basket and grab up anything you see that's out of place. Anything. Grab it! Dishes, toys, it doesn't matter! See? All of a sudden things are looking better.

Now, grab a swiffer and wipe up the obvious dust. See there? Your house looks great!

Now put that basket jangling with dirty dishes and panties into your closet next to that mound of dirty clothes AND CLOSE HE DOOR and pretend it doesn't exist.

Now, look in the mirror. Yeah. You haven't showered and you're wearing your pajamas. DON'T PANIC. Go back into your closet and put on a little dress - not a fancy one. But a dress makes you look, well, better than your pajama.

Now, put your hair in a pony tail and swipe on some mascara. Oh, and you might want to sniff your armpits.. Just sayin'.

Bingobango - you're ready to receive your guest.

And when your guest eventually leaves, take out that basket and carefully put everything where it should go. And then solemnly swear you will never, EVER let your house get into such a state again.

Even though you know it will. Probably by tomorrow.

*sigh*

Tea Time

Today, Paige invited me to a tea party on the floor of her bedroom. She'd invited some other guests (or as she oddly called them "customers"). She served us tea - me and the giant stuffed lamb, a trio of Polly Pockets, and a plastic bird. She insisted we blow on our tea "because it's hot".

Eventually William wandered by, saw what we were doing, and ran off. He returned a few minutes later with an entire flock of stuffed Angry Birds. He and his friends stayed for tea too. Some of the birds complained of burned beaks. Poor creatures.

Teatime lasted for maybe 30 minutes. 30 minutes in the middle of a normal Thursday afternoon. 30 minutes I assume I will forget in a few years.

Which is why I'm writing it down. My days are punctuated by this simple sweetness. I don't ever want to forget.

The Pie That Broke the Camel's Back

So hey! I did a juice fast last week. Remember that?

Let's discuss, shall we?

First of all, drinking juice exclusively is dang hard. I don't really understand WHY it's so hard - I mean, you're getting enough calories. You can drink as much and as often as you like. Your belly is nice and full. And yet? It's miserable.

At first I thought that perhaps I missed chewing (?), but I think (based on exactly ZERO science) that I might have been missing all that fat and sugar I'd been eating. I think I was detoxing and craving and generally going mad. (I went mad in a polite way, mind you- no yelling. Just intense and frequent whining).

During my 3-day fast, people would call on the phone and say "Whatcha doing", and I would loudly reply "NOT EATING. I AM NOT EATING THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING".

I pretty much spent three days with white knuckles. Holding on to sanity. Watching the clock.

But here's the thing: I really DO think it worked. I do think that forcing your body to live on nothing but plant-based micronutrients (did you hear that? I said "plant based micronutrients" I AM SUCH A SCIENTIST!), does reboot your entire system. When I began eating food again, I wanted something GREEN. I had zero cravings for crappy processed junk food. In fact, I didn't even want meat. I just wanted PLANTS. all of them.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday I ate a piece of pie. Delicious, delicious pie. One single piece. And today? All I want is junk food. Chips and salsa and pizza and cookies and candy.

And now I'm wondering if this is just a coincidence, or if I can never eat pie again (TRAGEDY!).

Have you done this fasting thing? What were your results? And CAN YOU EAT PIE?!? (Please say yes).