Communication is the Key to a Good Relationship

We thought William was having a good day. We really did. He seemed so happy.


Here's how it all went down:

First, Dave and I ran off to the lake to catch the good skiing water at the crack of dawn this morning. When we called to check in, William reported that he was "so happy to wake up to Nana instead of plain old you, momma".

Ok, first of all, OUCH! But, still, sounds like he was happy, right?

Then, William came to the lake and talked Nana into a ride on the tube. What could be better?
See that smile on his face? Happiness? Yes! We really thought so.

Oh my, but then we overheard this pretend cell phone call from the back seat:
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....."Hello Rhino, it's me." *short pause to hear Rhino's reply*
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....."Yeah, I know, it's been a rough day for me out here, but I'll be home soon
..... to tell you all about it *another pause*
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....."Ok. I love you Rhino. See you soon" *beeping noise indicating end of
......call*
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Here's who was on the receiving end of that call:
Meet Rhino. Rhino is a hamster.

A battery operated hamster.

A hamster that runs around in a ball.

And apparently, William wanted to be sure Rhino knew he was on his way home. From his long hard day at the lake.
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Ah well, at least we've taught him the importance of checking in with his loved ones. Even if his loved ones happen to be FAKE. Fake RODENTS. And even if the phone call is made on a Fake Phone. Still. We've taught him something important. Yes. Just agree with me.

I bet his wife will thank me one day. She'll probably call to thank me from William's Fake Phone.

Branson Missouri: It Ain't Just for Old People

Oh wait.

Yes it is.

Oh my my my.

Oh my.

We've come here with my entire family - momma, brothers, in-laws. We've come to Tablerock Lake. Which happens to be right outside Branson Missouri.

Branson Missouri is the Cheesy Old Person Capital of the World.

Just look at the billboards we spied on our way into town:

Elvis, apparently, is alive and well here. And apparently, he's now a woman.
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Then there's the "Comedy Jamboree", billed as A Must See ROLLER COASTER of Fun.

Seriously? Those two dudes get anywhere near a roller coaster, they'll break a hip.

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My goodness, then the coup de grace:

An oddly-shaped replica of the Titanic.

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It's a museum. Complete with fake ice burg.

Frankly, I'm disappointed I didn't hear fake screams from would-be victims piped in on outdoor speakers. THAT would have been impressive.
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Here's where we had dinner:

Now, to be fair, the food was pretty darn good. And we did have a really good time. But look closer at the sign.

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"Home of Branson's Original Singing Servers"

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Oh yes. You read correctly.

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Cue the karaoke machine! And, no, I'm not kidding. There's actually a karaoke machine - FOR YOUR WAITRESS.

Doesn't my brother look THRILLED to be serenaded at the dinner table?

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Oh my, I nearly wet my pants I laughed so hard.

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Come to think of it, it's probably not that uncommon for someone to wet their pants around here.

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And get this: the restaurants in town close at SEVEN THIRTY. I'm serious! Seven-thirty!!

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Sheesh, I've got to get to bed, I bet the breakfast buffet opens at 3am.

Seriously? People Want to Pay Me For This?

OMG! OMG!

Someone PAID ME MONEY today! Paid me to be bossy and opinionated! Yes! And to think I've been bossing people around FOR FREE all these years! My husband owes me a fortune. And my baby brother.

Lookie here! The actual check:
Now, specifically, a woman paid me to redecorate her home. But really, I just bossed her around for a few hours. I don't think a single piece of furniture was in the same place when I left. I dug through her cabinets finding little hidden treasures. Pictures were hung, things were organized. It was cozy and cute. And she didn't have to buy a thing. We just re-purposed things she already owned.

I've done this for years for my friends. I love it. And I mean I really love it. A day like today gives me some sort of Decorator's High.

For as long as I can remember, I find myself walking into rooms and mentally re-arranging the furniture. Sometimes it's a curse. On a trip to visit my brother-in-law, I laid in bed rearranging his bachelor pad in my mind. Lucky for him, he never asked my opinion.

So recently, I spent a day bossing a friend around. Making her move every single thing she owns. And this friend said "You should do this. You know, for a living". Wha?!? People would pay me to do this? Heh. Whatever.

Turns out, she was RIGHT. Who knew?

I ordered my business cards yesterday:

AND I have another client lined up. I'm still in shock. Doing something I absolutely love AND getting paid for it? Whoa. Stop the presses!

Now folks, I do not have a degree in interior design. I do, however, have a well-practiced ability to boss people around and voice my opinion (just ask my husband). But when I'm finished, you'll be sweaty, and dirty, but man, your house will look better.

Speaking of my husband, he's hoping I'll be so exhausted from bossing other people around, I'll be too tired to yap at him.

Poor man. If only it worked that way.

Someone Call Norman Rockwell

Oh wait, he's dead.

Right.

Well, someone call someone with a paintbrush. Tell that someone that I had an iconic, Utopian, picture-perfect day. The kind of day that should be painted. Or in my case, Blogged.

Today was the kind of day I pictured when I imagined myself as a stay-at-home mother. The kind of day where I spent lots of time cuddling and loving my children. Then in my mind's eye, we'd be doing some little crafty project together. While laughing. And cuddling.

A little project like this:
William and I took turns drawing each other pictures on the chalk board. ALL of William's pictures involved birds. Because, as we all know, Mrs. Robinson is the center of his universe.

Here's a closer shot of his art:

Not bad, eh? And did you see the word "robin". He wrote that. Because he is a genius. Yes he is. Just like I imagined he would be - those many years ago when I was just imagining my children, instead of actually raising them.

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I know I never imagined a day as hot as today. It was 107 degrees here. So hot that just thinking about it makes you angry. And cranky. And cross.

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But, in Pleasantville, we make lemonade out of lemons, right?

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Unbearable heat? Cue the Slip-n-Slide. And the neighbor kids. And the turtle pool. And the inflatable sprinkler. Yay!

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Oh, but then we realized that the Slip-n-Slide had a malfunction. It was more of a Stick-n-Scream.*

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No problem, son! Move along to the turtle pool.

Oh, but then they got bored with the pool. And boredom led to this:

Charlie and Will took turns beating the holy heck out of the inflatable sprinkler with their swords.

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So much for Utopia. Ah, but it was nice while it lasted.

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*stick-n-scream terminology shamelessly plagiarized from Ward L. Huey, Jr., Jr.

Let's Focus On the Positive, Shall We?

Oh lordy, today was a doozie.

I ran errands for 4 hours. The last of which was a trip to the grocery store. The kind of grocery store trip where the cart is so full that you can push it. But just barely. I imagine this is what a plow horse feels like. Only plow horses don't get to work in the air-conditioning. Also, plow horses have eyes on the side of their heads. But that's not really important.

I paid for the groceries - $176 - then raced over to pick up the kids from mother's day out. The thermometer in my car read 106 degrees.

106 degrees is hot. HOT! Damn stinkin' hot. So hot that when the wind blows, it just feels like a hair dryer.

And this is when The Bad started happening: I locked my keys in the car. Oh yes. I did. And not just my set of keys. Apparently, every set of keys to my car were INSIDE the car at the time of the disaster. I don't know why. So stop asking. I don't know. That means you, Dave.

In the end, I owed my friend a debt of gratitude for staying with me until a locksmith could arrive. I also owed the locksmith - a debt of gratitude and $40.

And then there's that hour of my day I can't get back.

And there's also $176 worth of groceries that I'll never use. Oh lordy, my car smelled like rotten chicken and sour milk by the time I undid my mess.

But, on a positive note, I had absolutely no appetite when I got home. So that's something.

Also, I had lunch with Aunt Susie. This is good. Very good in fact, as she is one of my favorite human beings. Ever. In the history of the world.
Also, I saw neighbor Susan and her boys. When she called to say they were on the way, William ran to the gate to wait for Henry and Charlie.

Do you think he missed them? What was your first clue?

Oh and finally, there's this:

My new handbag. A birthday gift to myself. This bag makes even the worst day bearable.

And I don't fault her at all for keeping all my keys and locking me out of the car. She's new, she doesn't know any better.

What a Sucker

I should be writing about the weekend I've had.

The weekend that involved daily doses of water-related activities. Like tubing.
Yes. That's me tubing with William. At the time, I was having so much fun. However, there's not enough ibuprofen in the world to remedy the damage this little ride did to me.

Mr. Tube, you'll be getting my Chiropractor bill.

I should also be telling you about Josh and Maddie.


This was their first time on a boat. Ever. And look at that sunset! Wow. That's what I should focus on. Oh, but I can't. Something much more exciting happened today.

I should also tell you about swimming Saturday night.

Here are the daddy's taking turns trying to kill their offspring.

But, that's not what I want to talk about. No!

I want to talk about something else. It has nothing to do with the portraits I took on Saturday, either.

Although, those were fun, I'll have to share them another day.

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Today, I want to talk about STRAWS. You heard me. Straws.

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Why?

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Because my wee little baby girl can drink from a straw. As of today.

I am so happy! I can think of nothing else. This overshadows all other things in my life. All other news must go on the back burner. THIS? This is exciting, people!

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No, it IS. Seriously! William was, oh, like 3 years old before I finally figured out how to teach him this skill.

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And just think of the possibilities! No more sippy cups in restaurants. And juice boxes! Yes! I've just realized I can pack juice boxes for long car rides. Oh, the places we'll go - Mr. Straw and Me.

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I realize this probably doesn't compare to a Normal Person's definition of "exciting"... but what can I say? My world has been reduced to this. Plus, no one has ever accused me of being a Normal Person.

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Come back tomorrow for sane reporting. I'm sure I'll have come down off my Straw High by then.

This Never Happens

I'm always envious of those moms who can say "my kid will sleep anywhere". Heh. Not my kids.

Now, don't get me wrong. My kids are good sleepers. I lay them down in their beds, and they sleep. It's that easy.

However, they never want to be rocked. Or cuddled. Never. And they generally do not sleep well in their car seats. Or in an airplane. Or in a lounge chair at the pool. No. These babies need their beds. I don't blame them, really.

So today, when Paige feel asleep in my arms right here in the kitchen, I was shocked.

So shocked, that I jumped up and took our picture.
Then I sat back down and enjoyed the moment. I buried my nose in her downy soft hair and just breathed in her sweet baby smell.

Is this a mommy-thing? Smelling hair? I hope so. Because I do it all the time. I even enjoy the sweaty, puppy-dog smell of William's head. There's something about it.

Or maybe it's just that I know there will come a day when their head is too tall for me to sniff anymore.

Sweet dreams baby Paige. Mmmm. You smell good.