Armageddon!

So here's what's been going on here - shortly after the Pine Wood Derby on Saturday, Dave commented that his stomach was "a little off".  He decided it was because he'd consumed more than one Dr. Pepper earlier that day.  Which is, you know, utterly ridiculous.  But I didn't tell him that at the time.  I just let him wander around the house holding his stomach and groaning.

And then he vomited up everything he'd eaten since he was twelve. 

Folks, let me just tell you - the man is an aggressive hurler.  There will be no pansy-assed vomiting!  No!  There will be the kind of vomiting that makes you sore for DAYS afterward. Rib-cracking vomiting!  The kind of vomiting that has the children wondering if a monster is downstairs (seriously, they asked).

All that hurling (among other things) meant that Dave was out of commission for the remainder of Saturday as well as all day long Sunday.  Thankfully, he'd *ahem* cleaned out the pipes by midnight Saturday and just needed time to recuperate on Sunday (Hulk-like vomiting requires serious recuperation, don't you know).

And here's where I come in - because I happened to have shared those Dr. Peppers with Dave on Saturday.  Yes!  I drank from the same soda can MERE HOURS before he started the Hulk Hurling.  Which, in my mind, meant that I was surely destined AT ANY MOMENT to begin vomiting myself. I. was. doomed.

Have I mentioned how much I hate throwing up? Although, now that I think about it, does *anyone* enjoy it?  But I would argue that women who've given birth have the added pleasure of peeing their pants WHILE vomiting.  Whee! THAT'S fun right there!

So since I just KNEW I was AT ANY SECOND going to hurl, I decided there would be nothing in the world worse than hurling in a dirty house.  So instead of going to bed on Saturday night, I stayed up UNTIL MIDNIGHT doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen.  You know, just in case.

Oh don't sit there and shake your head at me.  You knew I was crazy before today.

But then I woke up Sunday morning just as healthy as I was the day before.  Only Sunday, I had to set the house on fire bleach the bathrooms to rid them of the vomit, scrub the floors, and wash the full-of-sickness sheets in boiling hot acid.   By the end of the day yesterday, my house was cleaner than it had been in, well, ever.  I'd even cleaned the doorknobs and light switches.  I used so much bleach that my house now glows ever so slightly in the dark.

And I still didnt' get sick.

So today I ran errands like a mad woman.  I stocked up on groceries.  I AM SO READY TO SUCCUMB TO THE VOMITING!  I am so prepared!

Tomorrow I plan on doing situps to strengthen my stomach muscles.  And then maybe I'll do some kegels, you know, for the peeing.