Junkie

This lumpy body brought to you by Little Debbie.

When my dad died suddenly a few years ago, I finally (at the age of 31) realized that, huh, people really DO die.  Go figure.  I'd heard of this "death" thing, but damn, I thought they were kidding.  People can be so full of hyperbole! 

And I suppose upon learning that dying was something I'd have to do, I started to wonder if maybe I should, you know, DELAY such a thing for as long as possible.  This delay wasn't THAT hard, I mean, I'm not one to want to swim with sharks or jump out of airplanes.  But I WAS treating my body like it was just going to function perfectly no matter WHAT I did to it.  Or, namely, no matter what I PUT IN IT.

God, I love junk food.

And, stragely, my body has functioned on mostly junk up to this point.  Which proves that the human body IS AMAZING.  Try putting diesel in a gasoline engine and see what happens.  And yet, my body just keeps chugging along on a diet of Dr. Pepper and cookies. 

I am a walking miracle.

But you can't go anywhere these days without The Truth screaming at you.  By now, all of us know that Americans are fatter and sicker than they've ever been.  We know that the medical industry is buckling under the weight of, well, our weight.   We're told that the enemy is high fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated oil.  And since I'm nothing if not obedient, I promptly began reading labels and doing my best to scrub those Bad Things out of our diets.

Then? I learned that artificial colors and dairy make for a foggy brain in some children.  So, it was out with Yellow 5, Red 40, Blue 7.  Out with milk and cheese, and anything with "artificial flavorings". (You would not BELIEVE the things that contain artificial colors - it's in EVERYTHING, y'all").  And it turns out that my kid, on a diet of "uncolored" food, is actually MUCH different.  In a good way.

But can I be totally honest with you?  Reading labels and being diligent about what goes into our bodies is EXHAUSTING.  And do you know what else?  I don't really like healthy food.  No!  I eat a smoothie for breakfast made with organic fruits (and a little kale, because they say it's a superfood - how could I not eat something called a SUPERfood?), and yet, I'm all but pinching my nose while I'm drinking it. 

What I really want, even now that I know it will kill me dead, is a nice cookie.  Preferrably with a thick layer of icing. 

If I could change ONE THING about myself, I would wish for a palate that craved nothing but whole, raw, organic foods.  You know, instead of Little Debbie Snack Cakes.

*Sigh*