Uncle Stevie's Campout Wisdom

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William returned from his first Boyscout Campout today.  He's slightly sunburned, and he smells like a cross between a billy goat and a sewer rat.  However, he claims he had an awesome time. 

I'm off to dip him in a vat of bleach and set his sleeping bag on fire.  While we're de-lousing, please enjoy this letter, mailed to William at camp from his Uncle Stevie (my husband's big brother).

Hi William!

I really hope you're having a GREAT campout!  Some of my best memories from when I was a kid were from campouts.  Your dad and I went on a lot of them.

Here are a few camping rules that you probably already know:

1. Don't spit into the wind.  (Also, don't pee into the wind!)
2. Toasted marshmallows are very, very sticky.
3. Don't pitch your tent with the door uphill. (The rain water will run right in and you'll be floating in your sleeping bag.  I know from experience.)
4. If the campfire smoke is blowing your direction, you might as well stay there because it will follow you if you move to the other side of the fire.
5. Don't bring an electric blanket to a campout
6. Always bring plenty of AP (all purpose) paper.  It's toilet paper, but it's very important when you need it.
7. Never touch the top of a gas lantern.  Even when it's off, it might still be lava hot.
8. When you wake up in a tent, it's almost always earlier than you think it is.

That's all the wisdom I can share right now.  Have lots of fun and you can tell me all about it when I see you next time.

Love, Uncle Stevie