No Picture Today. You're Welcome!

So yesterday I was doing my monthly Hysterical Cleaning Due To The Full Moon, when I ran across some mysterious black, uh, specks in my master bathroom.

These specks? They were wee little oval-shaped things, and were scattered about along the baseboards at varying intervals.

And do you know what? THEY LOOKED A HELL OF A LOT LIKE MOUSE DROPPINGS.

When I saw them, I stared for a moment in disbelief, and then I shreiked like a little girl.

And then? I ran into another room, saw Something That Needed to Be Cleaned and promptly forgot all about my bathroom infestation.

First of all, WHO DOES THAT?  Who just forgets all about MICE in the room right next to where she sleeps? WHO?

Me.  That's who.

And do you want to know when I remembered?  As I was drifting off to sleep.  OF COURSE I DID.

And at that point Dave was snoozing away next to me.  I couldn't bear to wake him to investigate, which meant I was going to have to wait until morning.

I laid there I imagined entire villages of mice using my fancy Morroccan Oil and my cheap hairspray.  I imagined them nibbing the ends of my make-up brushes.  Or perhaps, licking my delicious Oil of OldLady Night Revitalization Cream.

Come to think of it, it HAD been disappearing quickly!  How DARE those mice! That stuff is EXPENSIVE!

I finally drifted off to a fitful sleep, and accosted Dave first thing this morning about The Problem.

Dave being the man that he is, calmly walked into the bathroom, stared at the Mystery Ovals for a moment, and then declared that it appeared to be mouse poop (I KNEW IT!).  Just to be sure, he grabbed a wad of tissue and picked up a speck. AND IT BEGAN TO CRAWL AWAY.

HOLY SHITCAKES BATMAN! We are infested with cyber mice who poop MOVING POOP BUGS!

Or, perhaps it was just poop-shaped bugs.  Probably that.

But here's the weird part (yes, this is the weird part, not all that other stuff I just typed): Dave went over and picked up another "poop", and as soon as he touched it, IT QUICKLY SCURRIED AWAY.  And yet the other Poop Bugs just laid there like, well, like turds.  Dead turds.

They only moved if you touched them.  WHAT KIND OF BUG WAS THIS?

And more importantly, how the heck did they get into my house?

Have I mentioned that I'm just the teeniest big phobic about bugs?  Yeah.  That.

So I've done nothing about the Immobile Turd Bugs of Death all day.  They are still there.  Just waiting to be touched. ACTIVATED. So they can crawl up my arm and eat my face off.

Dave doesn't know it, but he has a project when he gets home.