Still.

.

I woke up at 4:20 this morning panicked about the fact that I hadn't heard from the principal of William's old school.  I wrote her a letter (via email) last week explaining that we would not be back for the 2011-2012 school year.  And she never responded.

Probably because, oh I don't know, SHE'S BUSY RUNNING A SCHOOL.

And yet, my brain was so distraught that I was forced to GET UP at the ungodly hour of 4:20am and RE-WRITE the email in case she didn't get mine from last week.

What the heck, BRAIN?

As a result of my early morning freakout, I spent the rest of today in a sort of fog.  Which meant that I really wasn't very productive.  I'd start a project, and then wander off halfway through only to come back hours later to find things like a half-empty dryer or a partially unloaded dishwasher.

But the fog also turned out to be a good thing. 

I was still today.  I was too tired to be busy.  And being still allowed me to just BE.  And it made me really appreciate my little children.  They were just like they always are - funny and sweet and delightful (and sometimes aggravating) - but today I was still long enough to notice.

At one point, Paige wandered in with a gigantic make-up brush in her hand.  One I'd donated to her "peetend" box (full of fake jewels, plastic high-heels, and even a stethoscope and blood pressure cuff).  She asked me to sit down so she could "make me up".

I sat cross-legged on the floor facing her with my eyes closed while she brushed my cheeks, my forehead, my chin while whispering things like "just a little more here" and "hold vewwy still momma". 

I could smell her sweet breath.  Her tiny fingers gripping my chin to hold it at just the right angle.

I held very still indeed.