Loser

We've had family in town for the last couple of days.  Dave's younger brother (a thirty year old bachelor... know anyone cute? huh? huh?) and his older brother, along with his wife and three children. 

Having extra people around is not without its advantages.  For instance, on Wednesday I had to run to Target to pick up a few things and Dave's brother accompanied me.  It's rare for me to have an extra set of hands in the grocery store, and it was perfect that Brad was there when Paige announced that she needed to potty (ALWAYS! She always needs to potty at the most inopportune times.). I left William and my full cart of groceries with Brad while I ran into the ladies room with Paige.

Except.

My brain had some sort of short-circuit while I was in the ladies room, I really think I was so glad to have help that I let my mind go on some sort of vacation - because I realized on the way to the car that I didn't have my purse.  It took me a millisecond to put it together: my purse was hanging on the handy dandy hook in the bathroom stall.  And I got that feeling.  You know, where you feel the panic slide down your body like ice down to your toes.  Because: my purse(!) containing 1) the car keys 2) my iPhone and 3) my iPad.  Not to mention that fantastic lipstick shade that I'll never be able to replace.

plus? it's a brand new bag!

I have never run so fast in my life.  I'm certain all those people saw me sprinting to the bathroom and assumed I'd had one too many cups of eggnog.

But there it was! My purse!  Exactly where I'd left it.  I would have fallen to my knees right there and thanked Jesus had it not been for the fact that I was in a public restroom and, well, eeew.

On the way home (while hyperventillating) I told Brad that I'd been carrying a purse for something like 25 years and I'd never EVER left it behind.  EVER.  I don't know what got into me. 

And then today happened.

The entire group (ten of us) spent the day in downtown Oklahoma City. After playing at this nifty urban playground, we wandered around the gardens and gandered at the new skyscrapers, and finally ended up at the outdoor ice skating rink (they somehow cool the ice even though Oklahoma frequently has days like today where the December temperatures reach into the 70's - it's like magic!).  We all gathered along the edge of the rink and watched the skaters go by.  I was busy taking iPhone photos when it occurred to me that Paige wasn't in the shot.  I looked around where I'd last seen her and she was gone.

No one had seen her for a few minutes. 

This is one of the photos I took. Oh the irony.

I started calling her name.  Quietly at first, and then as more time passed my voice grew louder and more strained.  I looked behind me and saw all of the remaining 9 members of our group scattering around calling for her.

And here's what's weird: I did not panic.  I even thought at the time "wow, I am not panicking. I am totally calm".  Instead, I just started walking away from the group.  I was drawn magnetically back up the sidewalk where we'd come from.  As I rounded a corner a fair distance from the ice rink I saw her.  She was with another big family.  They were walking toward me and talking to her.  They clearly knew she was lost and were trying to help her find us.

She ran to me and started crying.  I thanked the nice family and returned to the skating rink.  We all agreed this was a good lesson for Paige.  She now knows what to do if she's lost: stay put and call for mommy. 

It's only now - hours later - that I think about the entire incident and sort of clench.  Catch my breath.  I'm thankful that, in the moment, I panicked MORE about the loss of a handbag than I did about my child.  It's rare that I've been so aware of an outside-of-me presence keeping me calm and in the moment.

I felt it today.




ps. When I asked Paige about it this evening, she said the nice family kept asking her what her mommy looks like and her reply was "she has big orange hair".  *Sigh*