Is it Possible To Have an Eye Rolling Injury?

Today started for me at 3am. My husband woke up coughing. Violently coughing. The kind of coughing that jerks everyone out of bed. I ran off to fill up his humidifier and get him some Nyquil. While I was busy running, Dave was busy trying not to tear his spine in half with his coughing.

You see, last week Dave claims he coughed so violently that he broke his rib. I'm serious. The man thinks you can break your rib by coughing.

And I'm not going to lie to you Internet, I didn't believe him. In fact, I might have rolled my eyes when he told me about his broken rib. I might have rolled my eyes so far back in my head that I could see my own hair growing.

But then, I checked on Google, and it turns out that you CAN indeed crack a rib from coughing.

So there. I stand corrected.

And since the coughing today at 3am was irritating his self-diagnosed rib fracture, I decided that I would remove myself from the situation by stumbling up the stairs and crawling into my 5 year old's lower bunk. That way Dave could cough and wince in peace.

And I stayed there freezing (not enough blankets - too tired to get more) in that little boy bed until 6am when the baby woke up.

Yes. I said SIX! A!M!

So, at 6am the baby and I curled up in our upstairs playroom and tried to be quiet and let Daddy and William sleep in a bit. As we sat quietly reading books and listening to the local news, I began to hear reports about the weather.

Now, let me back up at bit here and explain: Oklahoma weathermen are notoriously DRAMA MAMAS. Ev. Ree. Thing is exaggerated. If they say there's going to be a Massive Thunderstorm, we will see an inch of precipitation and perhaps one tiny flash of lightening. If they say there will be a tornado, that actually means a strong breeze will blow a few leaves off of the trees.

So, we never believe them. They spend their entire careers Crying Wolf. So we Oklahomans don't believe the weathermen. Ever.

So back to today. When I heard the weatherman say something about 4-6 INCH snow accumulation in Oklahoma City, I openly SCOFFED. Then I rolled my eyes again. This time so far back I could see my own brain.

Then I called my momma - who lives 40 minutes South of my house - and told her Christmas was ON. We're coming! Put that turkey in the oven because we'll be there.

Dave even got in the car and did a little test drive around the neighborhood, then came back in and said "it's all FINE - tell your mother we're coming".

So, I began Operation Christmas At Nana's. This involves a massive coordination of kids and stuff. Pack bags. Pack gifts. Shower myself. Dress children in seasonally appropriate attire. Pack camera (and accompanying extra batteries, flash, USB cord)

So it's snowing. What's the big deal?
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I had just begun to apply my makeup when the phone rang.

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It was my brother who was also on his way to Nana's. He was already on the road (hey! don't judge - he has no children!). He called to say they'd SHUT DOWN THE HIGHWAY.

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You have got to be kidding!

And then I thought I heard him say there was a Blizzard Warning. Which would be ridiculous, because Oklahoma doesn't have Blizzard Warnings. Ever. Never Ever. And so, for the third time, I rolled my eyes. Oh Puh Leeeeease.


Then I turned on the tv, and saw this:

OMG! That clearly says Blizzard Warning!

So, Dave and I stood there staring at each other trying to figure out a new plan for the day. A plan in which we would not leave our house for any reason. The reality of this new plan swept over my husband and made him feel like sulking.

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You see, he is SO DANG READY for a change of scenery. He is NOT a hang-all-day-in-the-house kind of guy. Plus, he was going to miss out on my momma's cookin' - and honestly, that'll put almost anyone into a dark, black funk.

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And since I'm The Mommy in this house, it is my personal job to (1) Make a New Plan (2) A Plan that Will Make Everyone Happy (3) A Plan that Involves only the items and ingredients I have on hand in my home. (4) and I must Act Cheerful and Happy so as to Encourage Others to GET OUT OF THEIR FUNK.

.

And girls, I'm nothing if not resourceful.

First order of business on Operation Cheerup: Hot chocolate. With tiny marshmallows. Is there anything better?

There's nothing better. Don't argue with me.

I thrust that hot cocoa into Dave's hand along with a newspaper. I nestled him into the comfy couch and told him not to worry his pretty little head about anything.

.

Next, I began preparing our Christmas meal a day early. Including chocolate cake.

Chocolate cake will make everything better!

While the cake was baking, we decided we'd let the children go ahead and open their Christmas presents. What the heck, right? We wanted them to have something to do, and what better to entertain them than Brand! New! Presents! Plus, gift opening will cure all grownups of The Grumples!

Except, we made the mistake of telling the children before we'd done all the Opening Preparations.

Whoops!

First, we had to gather all the necessary tools for opening gifts.

Those of you who are parents of young children will understand this. Kids toys are packaged in such a way that you need a PhD and the ability to bench press 350lbs in order to open them. There are wires. And tape. And complicated, multi-level cardboard contraptions. It's maddening for both the parent and the anxious child.

All that's missing is a crowbar. And a blowtorch.

Then we had to assemble all items necessary for Recording the Moment. Because, we all know if we don't have pictures and video of an event, it's like it never happened.

But first, let's have some video of the BLIZZARD, because OMG!

Alrighty kids! Let the opening begin!

Hooray! We didn't have nearly enough STUFF.

Opening gifts is a form of destruction. And I am EXCELLENT at destruction!

Approximately 16 seconds after it started, the gift opening ended.

And then the kids played with their new toys for another 19 seconds.

And then they were bored again.

And Dave was grumpy again.

So, I decided to make a delicious meal. Pasta! With chicken! And garlic! And Cheese! One of Dave's favorite meals. And a meal our kids will happily eat. Win/Win, right!?

Then there will be cake! Chocolate cake. That will make everything better!

Except it didn't.

So, I put everyone in their pajamas. (Cute ones. The kind that will look good in pictures tomorrow.) And I let them watch a short movie. And then I put them to bed.

Then I put myself to bed.

Because it's exhausting trying to force everyone else to have a Merry Christmas.

Plus, I needed to give my eyes a chance to recuperate from all the rolling.